After our removal if items from the boys room on Tuesday, one would imagine he would shape up.
Not so much.
Friday - "Do you have any homework?"
Nope!
That's standard for a Friday though, so it wasn't unusual.
Then- this morning, Mother' Day morning, Wife says "How is that report of yours coming?"
He head drops, eyes looking at the floor.
His teacher said he did not try and needs to add at least 2 more paragraphs. Of COURSE, he didn't bring any of his notes home, so he has to do the research to do 2 more paragraphs.
We arranged a study area so the rest of the family could continue about our day while he works on his project.
Every 10 minutes, he needs something- an eraser, a glass of water, "I'm hungry", bathroom, etc etc
During a break, I go to check the history on the netbook where he was "doing research"...
I think you can probably guess the result. You tube videos of Lego Star Wars.
Suddenly, he feels sick to his stomach and feels like he needs to throw up.
Suddenly, I decide that I will now remove all choice in his wardrobe and sleeping space. He has 3, blue shirts and 3 gray shorts, one pair of shoes. In bed- one pillow, one sheet, one blanket. No extra pillows, no extra blankets, no stuffed animals. I took the posters off the wall, took the amp for his guitar (I did leave the guitar...) removed the extra dresser he didn't need (since the clothes were gone) and the black cushiony chair.
Apparently we ease up too fast. So this week we need to focus on relentlessly trying to keep the boy on task.
He says "I'm an idiot!" of course we say "No, you have the mental capacity to do whatever you want. You make personal decisions to avoid hard work. That's not being an idiot. It's making a choice."
So- Happy Mother's Day, all you moms out there!
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Monday, May 6, 2013
Birthday Party
My birthday was Saturday. I worked from 6 AM to 12:45 AM.
Sunday, my sweet sweet wife threw a party for me. I asked the girl child to please grab a piece of paper and tell people "please come in" because we didn't want to worry about the doorbell and all.
This was the result:
Because she doesn't mess around.
Sunday, my sweet sweet wife threw a party for me. I asked the girl child to please grab a piece of paper and tell people "please come in" because we didn't want to worry about the doorbell and all.
This was the result:
Good things
To be fair, I neglected to post about 3 weeks ago when we were being treated to several days of the boy child being an absolute angel. He helped with chores, helped his sister with homework. It was a fantastic and magical time. And he deserved the credit which I gave him, but should have shared with you all.
Because- Some Days Rule!
Because- Some Days Rule!
Oh joy.
So, after struggling with missing assignments and hidden "reflection papers" which are what happens when you act up in school LAST week, we get an email from the teacher today about a problem on Friday.
Called another student a "Bitch", apparently.
HOWEVER, he decides that he needs to write a reflection paper about calling someone "the A word"
SO- which was it?
After having what seemed to be an upward trend in making good decisions, the last 2 weeks have been the opposite, obviously.
Since I have committed myself to not YELLING at the child, I calmly discussed with him that he is on grounding until the end of the school year (3 weeks) and that he can earn back privileges. Like clothes.
I chose 5 outfits for the boy- collared polo shirts and nice shorts. These are his school clothes. I also chose 4 school spirit shirts which are his play clothes. The rest are put away. Along with all his toys, electronics, etc.
Do you have a creative way to let your child know that his behavior will have consequences? Or have you seen someone else who appears to do well in this regard? It's tough for us because the girl child does not have these issues, and we are trying so hard to support the boy child.
Recycle bin- not put out, still on the street after I put it out.
Called another student a "Bitch", apparently.
HOWEVER, he decides that he needs to write a reflection paper about calling someone "the A word"
SO- which was it?
After having what seemed to be an upward trend in making good decisions, the last 2 weeks have been the opposite, obviously.
Since I have committed myself to not YELLING at the child, I calmly discussed with him that he is on grounding until the end of the school year (3 weeks) and that he can earn back privileges. Like clothes.
I chose 5 outfits for the boy- collared polo shirts and nice shorts. These are his school clothes. I also chose 4 school spirit shirts which are his play clothes. The rest are put away. Along with all his toys, electronics, etc.
Do you have a creative way to let your child know that his behavior will have consequences? Or have you seen someone else who appears to do well in this regard? It's tough for us because the girl child does not have these issues, and we are trying so hard to support the boy child.
Recycle bin- not put out, still on the street after I put it out.
Monday, March 18, 2013
What is a definition?
"Son, these jeans are blue"
"No they're NOT!"
This is the fashion equivalent of trying to tell your son that his actions are selfish.
"No they're NOT!"
So when the child will not listen to calm explanations and you are at the end of your rope, what do you do? If you're lucky like me- you have tag out and let your partner take over. Thus producing less RAGE.
The boy child was bugging his sister while she was tidying up the bathroom. Wife and I could tell because of the noises they were making, becoming slowly though increasingly adversarial.
I attempted to head off the fight at the pass, by instructing the Boy Child to sit at the table with us while I worked and Bonnie Facebooked or something.
My generously submitted advice was not readily accepted.
Instead, there was flopping on the inflatable bed set up in the living room (another story) and grunts and general malcontent.
"I wasn't even DOING anything and you made me come out here! That's not FAIR!"
"Well son, what I HEARD was that you and your sister were ABOUT to start fighting, so rather than let that happen, I thought you should come out here while she finished picking up"
"We were NOT going to fight! GOD! You guys HATE ME!"
"Well son, we love you."
"Then why are you always YELLING at me?!?!"
"Brady, we didn't yell once. I'm not even yelling now. I'm telling you that I asked you to come out here to keep the peace."
"Keep the PEACE? Then why are you always YELLING?!?!?"
"Well I'm not yelling, I haven't yelled, but if you keep this attitude up I WILL start yelling."
"See- you all HATE ME"
"OK son, bed time. It's almost bedtime and you're tired. So go to bed before this gets any deeper!"
--sob sob sob--- stomp stomp stomp--- saying shit under his breath from his room----
Also during this evening after the bathroom issue with his sister, he decides that he will just go and SIT in the bathroom. Lights off. Just sit. When we say "come out of the bathroom, it's not a play area" we are yelling at him again.
So- let's talk about this whole "definition" thing again.
"It's not a play area"
"All I'm doing is sitting"
"OK, it's not a sitting area. There are germs on the toilet. You can sit in your room, or on the couch, or someplace else. It's Not. A. Sitting. Area."
"Yes it is"
GAAAAAHHHH!!!!
Ah, good times.
BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE!
Now the girl child decides that these flying massive mosquito looking like things are going to fly into her mouth while she's asleep and she can't sleep in her room. And- sobbing. No amount of research on the google, or reassurances that they don't want anything to do with her, will convince her that she will live through the night. This is the end of her life- cut short by a 2 gram flying insect.
The boy child gets wind of this and now suddenly he can't sleep in his room either.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!??!?
Yes, I realize that for him it's a power play to sleep in the living room. Despite my assurances that the OPEN DOORS in the living room mean MORE chance for these things to fly in, he was convinced that he could not possibly sleep in his room.
Of course.
So, mommy finally worked it out with him, partly by doing a "sweep" of the room to ensure that no flying bugs were actually IN his room, and by a sly comment "your dad is about to lose his shit- you better go to sleep now"
Whatevz. Just goes to show ya-
Oh I have no idea what it goes to show you. Just go to bed, dammit.
"No they're NOT!"
This is the fashion equivalent of trying to tell your son that his actions are selfish.
"No they're NOT!"
So when the child will not listen to calm explanations and you are at the end of your rope, what do you do? If you're lucky like me- you have tag out and let your partner take over. Thus producing less RAGE.
The boy child was bugging his sister while she was tidying up the bathroom. Wife and I could tell because of the noises they were making, becoming slowly though increasingly adversarial.
I attempted to head off the fight at the pass, by instructing the Boy Child to sit at the table with us while I worked and Bonnie Facebooked or something.
My generously submitted advice was not readily accepted.
Instead, there was flopping on the inflatable bed set up in the living room (another story) and grunts and general malcontent.
"I wasn't even DOING anything and you made me come out here! That's not FAIR!"
"Well son, what I HEARD was that you and your sister were ABOUT to start fighting, so rather than let that happen, I thought you should come out here while she finished picking up"
"We were NOT going to fight! GOD! You guys HATE ME!"
"Well son, we love you."
"Then why are you always YELLING at me?!?!"
"Brady, we didn't yell once. I'm not even yelling now. I'm telling you that I asked you to come out here to keep the peace."
"Keep the PEACE? Then why are you always YELLING?!?!?"
"Well I'm not yelling, I haven't yelled, but if you keep this attitude up I WILL start yelling."
"See- you all HATE ME"
"OK son, bed time. It's almost bedtime and you're tired. So go to bed before this gets any deeper!"
--sob sob sob--- stomp stomp stomp--- saying shit under his breath from his room----
Also during this evening after the bathroom issue with his sister, he decides that he will just go and SIT in the bathroom. Lights off. Just sit. When we say "come out of the bathroom, it's not a play area" we are yelling at him again.
So- let's talk about this whole "definition" thing again.
"It's not a play area"
"All I'm doing is sitting"
"OK, it's not a sitting area. There are germs on the toilet. You can sit in your room, or on the couch, or someplace else. It's Not. A. Sitting. Area."
"Yes it is"
GAAAAAHHHH!!!!
Ah, good times.
BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE!
Now the girl child decides that these flying massive mosquito looking like things are going to fly into her mouth while she's asleep and she can't sleep in her room. And- sobbing. No amount of research on the google, or reassurances that they don't want anything to do with her, will convince her that she will live through the night. This is the end of her life- cut short by a 2 gram flying insect.
The boy child gets wind of this and now suddenly he can't sleep in his room either.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!??!?
Yes, I realize that for him it's a power play to sleep in the living room. Despite my assurances that the OPEN DOORS in the living room mean MORE chance for these things to fly in, he was convinced that he could not possibly sleep in his room.
Of course.
So, mommy finally worked it out with him, partly by doing a "sweep" of the room to ensure that no flying bugs were actually IN his room, and by a sly comment "your dad is about to lose his shit- you better go to sleep now"
Whatevz. Just goes to show ya-
Oh I have no idea what it goes to show you. Just go to bed, dammit.
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Not too shabby
Today was a good day.
Last night, I came home from a grueling work day at 11:30 PM and the trash can was already at the curb. OK- that doesn't count as today, but it certainly made this morning easier.
The girl child made omelettes in her new Tupperware microwave omelette maker. This product it stupid. It's an oval bowl with a lid. HOWEVER- the girl is thrilled, and I ate breakfast without having to make it.
Only one teeny snip-snip argument between the children before school.
The boy called me when he got home from work- he beat me by about 15 minutes. He asked if his friend could come over, and I said Yes. This involves me going to pick the friend up and deliver him home later, and it doesn't happen often. BUT- he did get up early and pick up his room, and he's asked every day. The condition is- chores have to be done first.
While on the phone, he checked and chores for him today were bring the trash can in from the curb and empty the dishwasher.
Driving down the street, the trash can was still out.
I went in- the dishwasher was not opened.
SO- I told the boy I was going to take a quick nap until he was done.
I slept for an hour. The chores did not get done at all.
No yelling, no nothing- at 5:30 the boy asked if his friend could come over. Well- this doesn't work when I would be driving the friend home at 6:30, AND- chores still weren't done.
It all worked out ok, and there ya go.
The girl child announced that she got second chair in orchestra, which is a big deal. She even played with a left hand index finger injury (from making dinner a couple nights before. Our knives are really sharp)
We all emptied out the refrigerator this evening, talking about food safety and leftovers ;)
That wraps it up. Nice day- and a nap!
Last night, I came home from a grueling work day at 11:30 PM and the trash can was already at the curb. OK- that doesn't count as today, but it certainly made this morning easier.
The girl child made omelettes in her new Tupperware microwave omelette maker. This product it stupid. It's an oval bowl with a lid. HOWEVER- the girl is thrilled, and I ate breakfast without having to make it.
Only one teeny snip-snip argument between the children before school.
The boy called me when he got home from work- he beat me by about 15 minutes. He asked if his friend could come over, and I said Yes. This involves me going to pick the friend up and deliver him home later, and it doesn't happen often. BUT- he did get up early and pick up his room, and he's asked every day. The condition is- chores have to be done first.
While on the phone, he checked and chores for him today were bring the trash can in from the curb and empty the dishwasher.
Driving down the street, the trash can was still out.
I went in- the dishwasher was not opened.
SO- I told the boy I was going to take a quick nap until he was done.
I slept for an hour. The chores did not get done at all.
No yelling, no nothing- at 5:30 the boy asked if his friend could come over. Well- this doesn't work when I would be driving the friend home at 6:30, AND- chores still weren't done.
It all worked out ok, and there ya go.
The girl child announced that she got second chair in orchestra, which is a big deal. She even played with a left hand index finger injury (from making dinner a couple nights before. Our knives are really sharp)
We all emptied out the refrigerator this evening, talking about food safety and leftovers ;)
That wraps it up. Nice day- and a nap!
Friday, March 1, 2013
Siblings
So- I do not want to set up a deeper rivalry between my children than would naturally exist.
AND I struggle to be fair.
When the boy asks to go to a friend's house with 2 other boys, I say "Call me when you get there" He forgets, but does eventually call. I say "Be home by 6:30 and call before you leave <friend's> house"
At 6:38 I call another one of the boys' cell phone, and say "Can I talk to Brady?" "Oh, he's not here" So I go to the park and there he is. Without shoes. He hasn't called, he hasn't checked in, and he has no shoes on.
So, I ask him why I would be upset, after explaining these 3 points to him. He replies "Because I didn't do what I was supposed to do"
Well- good enough. So you can go to your room for the rest of the evening with no ipod.
Keep in mind, I alkso asked him if his chores were done, to which he said yes. So we walked over and LOW and BEHOLD, no- not done. Trash not taken out, of course.
Contrast that with the girl who asks me before school "Can I sweep the floor after breakfast so I don't have to do it after school?" and empties the dish washer without being asked. Who gets straight A's and is completely responsible.
HOW do I, from the Boy's perspective, not be "Nicer" to her? I mean- I have no REASON to say anything buy "yes" when she asks for permission to do something, yet it's really like the Spanish Inquisition when he asks to go to a friend's house, then he still doesn't handle it right and he gets in trouble.
I see where he's coming from, but I also don't feel like I'm being extra tough on him.
What's a dad to do...
AND I struggle to be fair.
When the boy asks to go to a friend's house with 2 other boys, I say "Call me when you get there" He forgets, but does eventually call. I say "Be home by 6:30 and call before you leave <friend's> house"
At 6:38 I call another one of the boys' cell phone, and say "Can I talk to Brady?" "Oh, he's not here" So I go to the park and there he is. Without shoes. He hasn't called, he hasn't checked in, and he has no shoes on.
So, I ask him why I would be upset, after explaining these 3 points to him. He replies "Because I didn't do what I was supposed to do"
Well- good enough. So you can go to your room for the rest of the evening with no ipod.
Keep in mind, I alkso asked him if his chores were done, to which he said yes. So we walked over and LOW and BEHOLD, no- not done. Trash not taken out, of course.
Contrast that with the girl who asks me before school "Can I sweep the floor after breakfast so I don't have to do it after school?" and empties the dish washer without being asked. Who gets straight A's and is completely responsible.
HOW do I, from the Boy's perspective, not be "Nicer" to her? I mean- I have no REASON to say anything buy "yes" when she asks for permission to do something, yet it's really like the Spanish Inquisition when he asks to go to a friend's house, then he still doesn't handle it right and he gets in trouble.
I see where he's coming from, but I also don't feel like I'm being extra tough on him.
What's a dad to do...
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